Big Head:
“What a day. The smoke is so bad here. I’ve never seen it so bad! It’s our anniversary today and we were headed to the coast for a hike but saw the Cliff Mass Blog and he said “Don’t bother”. How are you holding up with this all this covid and smoke? Protests and crazy stuff going on in many places. Waiting to hear some new protest songs!! Where are they?”
Snow White:
“Yeah. The smoke is
worse than yesterday here. Fires.
Plague. Darkness. If I hear that Lake
Washington has turned to blood I’ll be fixin’ to see Frogs and Locusts next.
Big Head:
“I seen a giant gerbil chasing a Sasquatch.. They was goin’
north”.
Snow White:
“I know and there’s Giardias everywhere. I seen them, too”.
Big Head:
“What does giardia poop look like? Watery, sometimes foul-smelling diarrhea that
may alternate with soft, greasy stools? Fatigue or malaise? Abdominal cramps and bloating? Gas or flatulence. Do you track the Giardia’s by following their poop?
With Sasquatch I just follow the
footprints
Snow White:
“Wow! Ya know I been
waitin’ forever hoping that someone would be smart enough to ask me that.
So, the deal is there are some things that you need to know
about Giardias if you ever hope to see one for yourself. As you know, their existence is not
universally accepted and nothing but a radical-left conspiracy as far as Qanon
is concerned. Seeing one, or a herd of
them, is not nearly as common as trippin’ over a Sasquatch turd in the
Arboretum or even up in The Ravine. I
mean a turd so large that you trip over it is hard to deny. But Giardias, well, they are a whole ‘nuther
thing.
To start with, and I’m tellin’ you this now in the strictest
confidence, their shit is bioluminescent which makes you think that “Hey,
spotting glowing shit is easy”, right? At
least that’s what I said but it isn’t easy at all. No, and it’s also really dangerous to expose
yourself to them so seeing them for yourself can come at a price.
The deal is they are really fucking teensy, right? So, a single glowing teensy turd doesn’t
really jump out at you. Ya see, you can’t
really see just one Giardia turd so in order to see them at all you have to
find a whole herd of them. Only when you
are in a huge group of them will there be enough glowing shit that you know
that you are in their midst and when you are surrounded by them they attack you
and bite your gentiles. I shit you not. I seen them and undergone their attacks so I
know.
The first time I seen ‘em I was with some friends in the
forest smoking some Thai stick. After
many lungfuls of smoke I saw that I was in a cloud of teensy bioluminescent
shit. When they attacked me, they
knocked me onto my back but The Force was strong with me and I quickly jumped
to my feet. My friends were all laughing
at me so I knew that they had not seen the shit and therefore were unaware that
I had been attacked.
I thought that maybe seeing ‘em was my gift or something, sort
of like you and your ability to see dead people, but the next day my crouch was
itching like crazy and I decided it was gift I didn’t want. The itching was driving me crazy so I went to
the doctor and told him that I had been attacked by a herd of Giardias. He said, “Giardias huh”? Then he told me to go
to the drugstore and buy a bottle of something called RID, which I did. I followed the instructions which made no
mention of Giardias. It did come with a
teensy comb which not only helped remove the Giardias but provided a great
styling tool for pubic hair.
The second time I seen ‘em was at Volunteer Park. I was with some friends and we had dropped
acid. Pretty soon I started seeing that
I was surrounded by colorful geometric crystals floating around. This time I wasn’t the only one who saw them,
though. We all seen bioluminescent stuff
but didn’t realize that it was Giardias. They are sneaky fuckers, I tell you, and because
we all saw ‘em it didn’t cross my mind that we were under attack.
A few days later it started burning when I pissed and I got
suspicious. When I pissed that golf ball,
I put 2 and 2 together and realized that those fuckers had gotten me again. I went back to the same doctor and told him
that it was another Giardias attack but he said that it was something else
called Gondolarrias or Gorgonzola or something like that. He gave me a shot to get rid of it.
So yeah, I seen ‘em and I hope to never see ‘em again. I would rather be abducted by aliens and have
them stick that needle in my belly button again then undergo another attack on
my gentiles by rampaging Giardias. They
are a total fucked story.
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