While some may blame their male pattern baldness on genetics
I can say, with a great degree of certainty, that mine is due to some twisted
penance that I am serving for some of the various hair-related sins that I
committed in my youth. Perhaps my
parents are to blame for being too permissive and allowing me to choose my own
style and comb my own hair. A quick
review of grade school class photos suggests that my classmates hair was combed
by their Mothers by confirming that nobody else sported a “Forward-Combed
Flat-Top with Fenders Boogie” hairstyle.
It sure isn’t what any Mother would have preferred if choosing. I remember that there were at
least 2 or 3 products involved in the creation of my masterpiece and I recall
thinking that I had really gotten the dance started as the girls couldn’t keep
their hands out of it.
Being desperate for attention I maintained that bad idea for
far too long and by the time I realized that my individuality was a joke and needed
to change I was in Meany Junior High and some guys were lightening their hair
with Hydrogen Peroxide. Not to be
outdone or fearing that I would rot in hell for committing another hair-sin I
bleached the B-Jezzus out of mine. Not a
few streaks or a bit lighter, no. I turned
myself into a very light-colored towhead.
Just a tiny shade darker than white.
That worked for a while.
Strangely, there were no pictures taken of me during those
times. I wonder why?
If a tree falls in the forest does it make a sound?
If there are no photos of my blonde hair-sin,
did it ever happen?
My baldness would
argue that the answer to both questions is "yes".it did.